I suppose now is a good a time as any to update my journal.

Maybe it was just looking at my buddy list to see if Randy was online, and seeing Sprinkles, Tab and Dusty. Three of the four people I used to be closest too, and now I barely if ever talked to any of them. Every has fallen into doing what they love I think, or at least what they like. Tab has her plays, and Dusty her friends and the other boards. I don’t know about Sprinkles though, and I think Allie still has Ian.

It’s funny, Randy and I seem to be the most alike. I don’t think I’ve ever found a person like me who could talk themselves out of something before. It’s good to have somebody to talk too when I’m wondering about my feelings with Brian, or just to laugh with over something or another. ^^ I like it. (Now if I could just get him to move here, I’d have a best friend again, lol.)

So I’ve been hanging out with Daniel and Holly during the weekends…and weekdays really. Fun people. Both in Game Art so the play video games. We’re all completely different from each other in one way or another though. I like having friends here, it makes me happy. Having Brian in my life to talk to makes me even happier.

He’s thinking about not going to school in Maine…and I know that if he doesn’t he’ll come here. I think…I think I’m going to actually trust him. For once, I think I can. I know he’d never intentionally hurt me, and that’s what matters. He knows of all my deepest darkest secrets and won’t hold them against me.

Along the lines of being happy, that leads me to Josh. Josh who I don’t think I can handle talking to much anymore. I don’t know… I think I fear that he will make me sad again. For once I’m really happy in my life (other then with my desperate need for a job) and I’m scared he will somehow take that away from me. Josh always managed too…make me sad I guess. Or nervous… I never knew what emotion he was going to react with next so I was always scared. I felt courned into watching every word I said and every action I made.

I know I forbid Josh weeks ago from ever reading my journal again but if you do… I’m sorry. One of the reasons I warned you that things might not be the same after we took time away from talking to eachother is that I get angry, and another is because I tend to detatch myself from that person. You pushed me away then and now… now I think I’m running away. I want you to be happy in your life and I hope one day you can stop doubting yourself so much. You have a lot of lessons left to be learned, but you’re still young…you’ll learn them as they come.

I’m also happy because I get to spend Thanksgiving with Madelin’s family. It’ll be nice to get away from here for a weekend, and I’ve never gotten a chance to spend more then a single day with Madelin so that really should be fun. ^.~

What else…

Well I suppose that school is going well. I’ve learned that I really don’t feel comfortable in rushed situations at all. I like to relax and handle things as they come. Or maybe it’s just that I don’t like to be around people who panic. I think that’s more it then anything. I can’t wait to actually get into classes where I learn webpage development. Right now I’m still just stuck in the classes that lead up to them.

Working on a new page, and I was scared as hell when I realized I hadn’t worked on a website since December 2003. That’s just scary. So working on getting that setup so that Randy and I can play with our new toy, which should be interesting. I’ve been wanting to get my stories online on my own website for awhile now, so I suppose this has been a real long time coming.

I hope everyone if anyone bothers to read this is living happily, safe, and in the comfort of someone who matters.

-Andi