^.^ I’m really just posting ahh… cause I can? Hehehee. It’s weird, I think I still freak out some of my friends when I’m happy online. I don’t think I ever realized just how much I appeared miserable to other people, even if I was. I honestly don’t miss Lindsay at all, and I’m very happy with never seeing her. Life with her was completly horrible. Loneliness is my greatest fear and with her it’s like… that’s all there was and ever would be. It’s amazing how horrible she made me feel.
So I think I can pull off Intro. to Web… I should be able to get a C or so in the class providing I don’t skip or miss it anymore. (Which I am proud to say, I haven’t for like… 2 weeks. And trust me, the temptation is there.)
Dodododdoooo… hmm… ermm… well, not much really happens in my life right now, other then that my friends are determined to make me be social. ^.~ (It’s like WW3, I’m not very skilled in socializing.)
Soo… umm… Hi Everyone?
- Andiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.
Updated teh journal look, and updated the version of my poem I keep on it.
heh. Did I ever actually say why I was envious in my last entry? Of people. I envy the people who know what they want in life, who have someone who truly cares for them more then anyway else in the world. I really wish I had that and I know others would say that I someday will, but there’s always a chance I won’t. I’m very very scared of being alone. I’m not really sure why it is… just when I talk to be or see people who have that person I hate them for it because they have what I so badly want. I haven’t really had a best friend in over two years now, someone *here* tangible and there for me and I really wish there was one. I love and adore Randy to pieces because he’s always there for me, but he’s not *here* and Randy’s the only person who can really claim being there for me anymore. No, honestly I’m not depressed, I’m still happy to have friends and to have Holly as a roommate and everything but I can still wish there was someone for me here. Maybe a bit of it is that I miss Brian and I’m really sad that we fell apart… it hurt a lot that last time I was home he never really called me and I think in a way… I’m still waiting for the phone call. My sister, finally found someone that I think she truly and really just might keep. And her, I am so so very happy for. My sister is one of the people in my life who I feel deserves that more then anyone else because she’s been hurt so much and made so many mistakes. Yes, I’m a bit jealous, but it also gives me hope. Hope which I cling to to my last breath.
It’s so strange to think that people are shocked when I’m happy and not sad… I’m a melancholy person by nature, and while I’m very anti-social, I can’t stand being alone. *sighs* I’ve really seen how much my world has changed over the last few months lately, it really shocking. I think I just live to be hypocritical. I love to run things, yet I hate people. I want to find someone, but I’m scared to be hurt, I want to talk to the friends I miss, but I’m almost glad to be free. I don’t know much about what I want right now, and sometimes I hate that it’s computer’s I went for and not English. Music, Art, Writing… they all have ways to express their emotions, but what can a web page really tell you?
Wee. So I thought I’d actually update my livejournal while I talk to Randy. So I’m going to say hi Randy even though I’m talking to you… though I won’t be when you read this I guess. ^.^ So now I have Holly as a roommate which makes life much easier since I now no longer have to deal with the horrible bitch that is Lindsay. Ah, the happy joy that is my life now even though she keeps bugging me. -.- She moved out and yet she’s called me twice now because she needs something. Ebil woman, leave me alone!
Anywho, it’s 4am, so I should probably like.. just real update tomorrow or something. Hahah, I have the boring. z.Z classes tomorrow so cross your fingers that I stay awake during them! (Especially when I’m watching a movie in History I think.) ^.~
-Andi!!!!
<3 You all.
