WOHOO!
Midnight showing of HP <3 I’m really expecting it to be great, so it better be or I’m gunna kick someone’s ass since I’ve been waiting impateintly for this one forever.
I go home tomorrow morning, woot woot!
November 17, 2005
November 13, 2005
The irony of the User icon for this one made me have to post. You see, my thing is set on random, and with 99 other icons it could’ve chosen from… it chose that one.
I forgot to mention that I can just be like… la la la… over Peter… la la la… and then I’ll have a friggin flashback to either of the nights or something less hentai-oriented.
That sucks too.
November 13, 2005
Suck.
I think what I hate most is that I can never quite get over him. Every time I’m like… I can do this now. I just… can’t. I’m being angsty and emo and totally ridiculous, but at the moment, it’s true. Every time I’m finally like, dude there’s this hot guy in class I wanna flirt with… it just… he’ll do something that makes me wonder otherwise. And I don’t even know what I can’t do it, I mean… in a lot of ways, I barely know Peter. We’re totally different people and yet somehow…
I hate it. I hate not having any control over my emotions or thought when I’m around him. I hate how when given the chance, like this completely opposing force like takes over.
It’s like… ohmygod… wtf… bbq-style.
I WISH MY HEAD WOULD EITHER PICK ONE FUCKING EMOTION OR ANOTHER
Because it’s driving me insane.
Because one second I’m like totally happy, over him and ready for something else
the next I’m like… Ooh, he so totally just like grabbed me out of nowhere when I so much as hinted at another guy
the next I’m like… OMG IM GUNNA KILL WHATEVER BITCH GETS YOU
the next I’m like… ok so as long as he’s happy.
the next I’m like… OH MY GOD WHY DONT YOU FEEL THIS WAY ABOUT ME TOO???!!!
It really fucking sucks.
It’s just like… suck. Lol. There’s no better word for it other then suck. Right now, I’m trying to figure out which of the above is being applied to me at the moment. I’m leaning towards… all of them. ^.~
Hmph. Lol.
Oh on another sucky note, I CAN’T EVEN GET A NEW APARTMENT HERE BECAUSE OF MY FUCKING LOANS.
GRR!! A different apartment would’ve been so nice… I mean, it’s not that I don’t love Holly or else I wouldn’t still be here if not to just get far far away from Peter, but having time to myself is always very high up on my list too.
Hmm… what else is there to report…
Nothing I suppose.
-End
November 7, 2005
Mm, tired. I dunno what else really except that I’m just.. really happy to be going home. My Dad called me up completely excited the other day all because he realized that I’d be coming home the day Harry Potter came out and then when my Mom talked to me later she was like… your father is so excited that you’re coming home. I mean, I know she is too. My Mom’s even admitted to me that sometimes she gets depressed because she never gets to see me. My sister’s told me. It’s… almost weird, but it kinda makes me happy to know that they all miss me so much. Gratifying maybe? I dunno.
Anyway. Bed. Night.
November 2, 2005
Sap
This is going to be sappy but…
Thank you to all of you who’ve been there for me over the last couple weeks. Randy, Zoe, Madelin, Josh… just knowing that you all read, that you care… thank you.
Now that the majority of things are over, I feel I can explain what’s been going through my head lately with a lot less emotion then before.
While Holly and I were arguing, I confessed to still having feelings for Peter, and she also knows that I don’t necessarily want those feelings. I’ve also explained to her that I was thinking about moving closer to home because a part of me is being torn apart that I get to see my family so little. I have a very very close family and it’s very hard going 4 months without seeing them and knowing I have another 3 weeks before I will. I so desperately crave to be alone when I’m with people and with people when I’m alone. I want to get an apartment around here, but I know I can’t afford it. Even if I do, I’ll need to talk to my parents about it.
And at the same time, a part of me just wants to go to Boston for college. It wants to run away from here and all the pain that people have endured because of me and me because of them. Because that’s what I do when something goes wrong. I run away. However, I’m still being kept here because of Holly, because of Peter, because of the fear of change that I want.
Holly told me she was thinking about moving with me because it would give me a new chance.