June 29, 2006

Ahhh

Happy.

I’ve honestly come to that point where I’m happy and that happiness doesn’t depend on someone else.

You know what?

If feels really good. Good to not wake up and wonder if someone else was going to make you have a good or bad day. Good to remember what things truly make me happy and doing them for reasons I want to.

4 months ago I made a decision that did ultimately, change my life. I made the choice to potentionally give up everything for a chance with Peter. In the end it turned out I really did end up giving up everything, but some of that was my own choice. I don’t talk to either Holly or Peter anymore, in part because I need to not talk to them. With Holly I’m always afraid of what’s going to happen. Because she has a tendency to make things change, for the worse or better. I didn’t want that to happen. If things went beter, I wanted it to be because I WANTED it to get beter.

With Peter… I can’t talk to him. To get over him, to not care about not seeing him for weeks on end… I just… erased him. All his stuff is buried in misc. places around my apt, his bracelet and ring are… (on the floor I think. o.O) I even took him off my buddy list. That was one advantage I had with Holly, was that since she moved out, she was just gone. Peter… was just there one day and gone the next.

In both situation with both endings – one I knew was coming and one I didn’t know was, I wouldn’t change the way they happened. With Holly it could never really be sudden. It would’ve been like waking up with my left leg missing. I needed to be slowly edged into it. And sadly unlike Holly, I did have a week to prepare for what was coming. I had a day to say goodbye.

Peter… Peter was more an addiction. Something you needed to quit cold turkey and just never see again. Granted at some point I probably will, and I have an odd feeling that it would be realy weird for a moment before we didn’t care. A month ago that wouldn’t have been true. But after all this time, I’ve just… not stopped caring, but just… I don’t know. I do care that he completely abandoned us for his other friends. I don’t care that he could be screwing every one of them. I’m more hurt that I lost his friendship then that I lost /him/ now.

This time in Maine, as I mentioned… has been refreshing. It’s been… perfect really. Nobody bugs me to do things I don’t want to, I can wake up and sleep whenever I want, spend the entire day poring over PHP and SQL all I want…. and it doesn’t matter. It’s truly been a vacation.

So 4 months after everything started, I’ve finally accepted losing everything… and sort of never felt more together. Plus, I still have Daniel :)

June 28, 2006

Snatch

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now.
Post these instructions in your livejournal along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

(Taken from Dusty)

Swing, Swing – The All-American Rejects
Dance, Dance – Fallout Boy
The Gift – Seether
Smile Like You Mean It – The Killers
Move – Thousand Foot Krutch
Disconnected (Out of Touch) – Trapt
Somebody Told Me – The Killers

–

June 28, 2006

Wee!!

I love Maine. I just felt the need to say that. I’ve done nothing but chill out, work on my little “pet project” (MWAHAHAH!!! Those things you thought were dead… they’re so not. I’m taking lil pieces of them and sticking them together!!! ((Wow that sounded really creepy. I happen to be refering to Jinxsed, Tsuki Tejina and Cytherrian btw.)) hehee!!)

So yeah. I’m having a very nice vacation here which is kinda just what I needed :)

June 15, 2006

Zomg!

Zomg I did all my physic work!

Zomg, almost all of my finals are done!

Zomg, that stack of papers I have to take with me to my physics final is god damn tall!!

Zomg, I only needed $41 and my Dad gave me $70! So I could have a GOOD LUNCH AND DINNER!

Zomg, I fucking love him now.

Zomg, I am having a kickass week. Everything keeps going good for me. I woke up late – and the bus that never shows up magically appeared! My newspaper, which usually runs 3 weeks late getting here, was only 4 days behind! My meanest teacher loved my group’s presentation better, and since the class did so good as a whole, canceled our final test! Same teacher gave me an A- on my final binder! I never did a drop of work in my Video class, but should be getting out of it with a B! My Database Management class is not required of me tonight as I already have my final done! With extra! I go home tomorrow! I was promised Dennys! My sister is dyeing my hair the colors I want it, and potentially paying for my tattoo!

Zomg, Knock on wood of course, which I really did just do.

Zomg, Holly gave me my tattoo design! I thought I’d never see that again!

June 11, 2006

The Telenovela.

I want… to stab them both in the eye. While that is an extraordinarily violent sentiment coming from someone such as me, right now it’s true. Holly I want to stab for being the sole person in the world who can time and time again be between me and the person I had feelings for and even now when I don’t talk to her anymore, she still manages to do it. Peter for being the fucking asshole he is, for always telling people just what they need to hear so he always looks like the good guy.

Let me, to make sure everyone fully grasps this sudden swing towards violence, see what causes me this anger. This is copied and pasted from Holly’s journal which she’s stupid enough to leave wide out in the open.

I’m going to stab her in the eye and then cut off his balls. :)

June 11, 2006

OMFG

Holly scares me. Peter’s an asshole. The end.

Peter told Holly that he wished he’d told her sooner, which is BS. If you remember, he was the one who told me not to tell her when I was supposed to. He also said that one of the reasons why he hasn’t been around us is because every time he’s here he wishes she was still around.

ASSHOLE. He’s such a fucking liar. He’s always saying whatever he need to to make himself look better to other people. I HATE IT. Omg…