I really can’t escape drama, can I? So Daniel took me off his myspace, wtf? I know we haven’t been talking, but that’s just lame. All this happened after I talked to Peter about it too… so, even I am a little curious. At the very least I will see if he knows what’s going on. Daniel made some crap bulletin about how “he wins” I guess, wins what exactly? And why am I feeling to suspicious about Peter? Iunno. I should see Peter tomorrow since he never answered my TXT. Drama, drama drama.
August 28, 2006
August 27, 2006
Life
Life – a series of choices, of else and if’s, of ups and downs. I know that sometimes these choices are obvious while in other moments they seem beyond your control, but regardless these factors are still there. I’ve come to realize that a choice I though I still had to make was already made. I made the choice to be around Peter even though I couldn’t have him. I made that choice back on my birthday with that first IM. I made it again when I decided to take a place with him. I kept making the same choice over and over without really seeing the question.
TOday I thought I was going crazy twice. Seeing things that aren’t there are one thing, but smelling them? Eyes play tricks on you but when the hell does your nose? It was all so sudden and quick that afterwards I was left just wondeirng if it had really ever happened in this first place.
August 27, 2006
Sorry my little livejournal, I know I’ve been abandoning you lately. Just with some things going on I’ve been trying to figure out where my life is going. That and I’ve been writing a lot in my written journal. I promise to copy over the entries soon as I’ve done in the past.
The future is far too near for my liking.
Edit: Oh and isn’t my LJ pretty? 
August 26, 2006
Lets see if this works…August 24, 2006
Hope is a horrible thing
I hate hope. I really, really do. Peter talked to me today about possibly hanging out with him, Mike and Cow. As much as I tried to resist (mentally at least) to believe it would actually happen, I still did. Regardless, when I heard nothing later I’d actually forgotten about it and wasn’t really surprised when he did call me later to say it wasn’t going to happen. However, I had just assumed he wouldn’t bother to call. Peter’s worse then I am when it comes to keeping plans sometimes though, really.
Between having class with him next quarter and very similar schedules…. I guess I’ll be seeing more of him, what that means though I can honestly say I have no idea right now. Also, I hadn’t even really thought about the fact that I would’ve ended up staying at Peter’s. That would’ve resulted in something interesting at one point or another. o.O;;
“Say what you mean. I write on lines, I don’t read between them.”
August 5, 2006
God damn him. :(
Spending a day with Holly, Peter and Daniel I have to say was… nostalgically fun. It was kinda nice to do something with everyone again. With Holly it’s like… the more time I’m around her the more relaxed I get again. Towards the end we were just chillin’ like the old days, especially after she remembered telling me what she thought I didn’t know a long time ago .
Everyone though I was gunna like… kick Holly out of the room or something if I found out she liked me. Ok, maybe I would’ve stopped stripping in front of her, but I wouldn’t have kicked her out of the room. Give me a little credit here people. Yes I would’ve been a little weirded out…. but who wouldn’t?
And Peter… 
I think it was actually stranger between me and Peter then it was between Holly and I. Peter and I were usually visibly standing or sitting not next to eachother. I think we only goofed off a little towards the very end.
And damnit, I can’t get over him.
Thus why I keep avoiding him :/ I’ll like see him, think about talking to him and then just like… run away.
It’s just easier to… not know I guess. If I don’t see him I don’t have to pretend that I don’t still want to be with him. I don’t have to figure out how to be just friends with him because hey, we all know I have no idea how to like… be just friends with Peter.
Of course there had to be an obligitory moment where eveyone decided to have a “I don’t have feelings for Peter” moment. I was like… fuckfuckfuckfuck and just said me either. x.X Damnit.
Big lie and if you’d actually been paying attention you could tell it was total B.S.
GOD DAMN YOU ALL.
It’s like… torture. I can’t see him. I can’t not see him. Gargfgfgfgfgfgghgg.
But yeah, all in all it was a great day.
Edit: However, on a better note – I’m looking up when I walk again. ^.^ Smiling, singing songs in my head… talking to people more, and all the etc. I’m a lot happier now then they used to be, and not in a pretending to be way. I’m going out a lot more then I used to too, which is really nice.