February 16, 2007

Saving this, just in case.

Enough. Let the past be in the past. Live your life for now, not a year ago.

I’m tired of being pinned as the wicked one. You, me and Peter (who itseems never gets punished for his role in everything…) all played ourparts. Please… just… either choose to be just friends or let meknow you can’t handle that, because I’m tired of thinking things are okbetween us only to find out later that you can’t handle it.

I’m happy now. I like it that way. I liked being able to hang out withyou once in awhile. I wanted to write this message to you today askingif you wanted to do all the Harry Potter stuff with me in a couplemonths because last time it was crazy as hell and hilarious.

Let me know.

I’ve said this before, but I’m only saying it this one last time. I’msorry the choices I made hurt you last year but I NEVER did anything tointentionally hurt you, despite what you or others may think. I didn’tplay games with you, I’m not that wicked and evil, and you know it aswell as I do. I made the choice I made because we were both miserable.Don’t fool yourself into thinking that if I hadn’t chose Peter thatthings would’ve been different. At some point down the line we stillwould’ve had a falling out. However, from here on out, I’m justignoring the things that involve me with the things that happened lastyear. I read your blog because I care enough to know what’s going on inyour life, but if once in awhile I’m going to see myself being pinnedas the wicked witch again, I just won’t.

February 16, 2007

Blame Blame Blame

Do you ever get tired of taking the blame? Tired of seeing what it’slike for someone to think you ruined their life? I do. I really feltlike we had all moved on from the place where it was like… blame Andifor everything. I don’t want to go back to that place, becausehonestly… I have moved on. My life a year ago was stupid, crazy,insane and I never want to go back to it… ever. I’m not saying thattheir weren’t good times, because there deffintely was, but last yearand the things that came with it before October were emotionallydraining. So at this point, seeing things that try to bring me down…do, but in a way where I wonder if I shouldn’t just really go alongwith the idea of us not being friends anymore. Because honestly, I’mhell sick and tired of being the only one that Holly blames for allthat shit. Peter was just as involved in it as I was, and considering Ionly had a vague idea that Holly was in love with me, and not Peter…I did what I had to do. Both of us were fucked up as hell back then,and I still wouldn’t change the decisions I made. They led me to whereI am now, which is pretty damn happy.

Last year, right now… I had a sorta almost boyfriend, a sorta best friend and a once in awhile good life.

Right now? I have a boyfriend I love, a best friend, and a handful of people I can honestly call friends.

Which means, I’m damn sick and tired of being Holly’s scapegoat.