I want to play. This happens every Spring where I just want to… I don’t know, run, shout, jump and scream. I want attention. I want to be appreciated for the little things. I spent like an hour and a half to two hours making cookies last night for Ricky and I. He got home and wouldn’t even try a piece of one because he was “full”. When he finally did try one today (after I told him, and was right) that he wouldn’t remember to bring any to work, he just ate it and walked off. He’s the one person who’s opinion I really need, and I just… didn’t get it. The last two weekends or so we’ve really been doing different things, which is nice as it gives me time for RO, but then on weeknights he’s tired or I’m tired, or even when he’s not tired… we watched House. I’m 21. It’s 2am, I’m wide awake and I say I want to play. What do you think I was hinting at? But no, I just got the ‘You’ve been reading your romance novels again, haven’t you?’ comment before he was like ‘aren’t you even a littletired?’ and went to sleep. I love my boyfriend to pieces, honestly I do, but it’s just like… he forgets what it’s like for me to not be around. I thought that this quarter with me coming home later then him that maybe he’d be more excited to see me… instead he spent the next few hours playing Guitar Hero after I gave up one of my only chances to leave Senior Project early.

I was angry last night. But I stopped just because I wanted to spend time with him. I’d hoped that that would ring a bell with him that maybe I wanted to do more then just watch House every night we’re together… if we’re even doig the same thing. It didn’t. Even tonight as I angrily got out of bed, clearly sat on the floor and began typing as angrily as it can sound, he still just asked if I was tired. It’s just like… he made me feel like being playful was a bad thing. We’re 23 and 21. I’m sorry if a few nights of the week I can’t exactly fall asleep earlier then midnight yet. Especially when I’m a night owl by nature.

Some moments I just want him to realize that maybe there’s more going on then me just being mad about the cookie. Or maybe I just want some attention from him at all more then just for his own needs.

My tummy’s been hurting off and on all day. I really don’t think he paid attention.