GRR ARGH.

Ricky’s been so volatile lately, and it’s driving me insane. If it isn’t one thing setting him off it’s another. He’s just so… angry at everything. He’s snapping at me for no reason, getting angry about things we discussed in the past, bitching about work, freaking out about EVERYTHING. I don’t know what to do with him really. He’s complaining that he wants to stay home for a weekend and then complaining when he do. Seriously, WHAT DOES HE WANT.

I don’t even know what to do. The other day out of nowhere he’s questioning our relationship. Out of nowhere like POP FLY HITS YOU IN THE BALLS nowhere. He’s freaking out that I don’t like the same movies as him and saying things like that I should like them so that we can be perfect. Seriously, nobody’s perfect. I’m sure as hell not perfect, not going to be and he won’t find anybody who is. Why is me not liking hit Hot Rod-esque movies that big a deal? He’s tired ALL THE TIME. I thought he’d fixed that, but it’s happening again. I’m currently freaking out because I don’t know what’s going on with him. He’s not happy and that terrifies me. Terrifies me because I thought we were happy.

Why does he have to freak out so much that we fight once in awhile? Every time we fight over some stupid little thing he FREAKS. None of the shit we fight about is relationship ending and I usually forget about it the next day. Ricky doesn’t though. He holds onto it, keeps tally, and one day I’m waiting for him to just hold up the slate and be like “Well, we hit 100. I guess it’s time to give it up.”

He makes me paranoid that he’s going to break up with me at times like this. He’s all I got, and I don’t know what I’d do without him. He’s the one who makes me laugh at stupid things, the one I’m glad to see when he gets home from work, and the one who cuddles me to sleep at night. He drives me crazy sometimes, but… it just doesn’t matter.

Why don’t they matter to me and matter so much more for him….