Hullo Journal

I believe it’s been awhile since I’ve updated you – perhaps this weekend while Ricky’s up at the Ruggles’ without me, I’ll take the time to once more bring the online journal current with my physical one. Life has been… nice lately I guess. Ricky and I don’t really fight, except about stupid small things that are forgotten later. This weekend will be the first weekend in awhile… long while that Ricky and I are spending apart. He seems pretty excited about having a weekend with the guys, and I’m sort’ve excited to have the apartment to myself for once.

I have a bet you see (with myself of course) Ricky says that he’s going to head home as soon as he wakes up on Sunday – I bet that he’s not home until at least 6 or so. I wonder what I should do on Saturday. If I had money, I think I would’ve taken the train downtown and gone to my old borders and maybe seen a movie, but alas… the money is gone. Maybe I’ll cross the street over to the park though and spend awhile just reading and maybe think of things to write about for Cthyerria. I was planning on picking up the apartment too, so who knows what’ll happen. I think I should get out of the apartment and go do something though, if not for the sake of getting out of the apartment as much as anything else. Hopefully I’ll still have the motivation by that time swings around.

I suppose I’ll probably take some time to play my video games and my Sims 3, but who knows what’ll actually happen. Right now I’m just chilling out in my bed, listening to my ‘mellow’ playlist with both my cats at my feet, which is pretty close to bliss, or at the very least, contentment. Jeez… I can’t believe I’m going to be alone for a whole day!! I’m excited as much as I am going to miss Ricky

I do wish I could spend more time with Ricky though sometimes. When I tell people about the weekend everyone says ‘Oh it’ll be good for the two of you to get some time apart!’ But Ricky and I already are apart a lot. He’s not home between 8am and 7-8pm, and then with the exception of dinner (maybe) or a movie (even more of a maybe) he just hops on his 360 and plays the night away with his friends. Tonight he watched the movie with me tonight and then immediatlely jumped over to his 360… even though he’s going to be with them all weekend, he couldn’t spend tonight with me?

There’s something I want to blog about but… I don’t know. I feel like if I say it to anything other then my other journal it’s just… OUT there.

I want to marry Ricky. I wish OTHER people would stop being so down about getting married that I have to feel WRONG for wanting to. I’ve been dating Ricky for 2 year, and 7 months. I haven’t brought up the subject of actually marrying Ricky for.. maybe a year now. I’m afraid to. One of the things Ricky told me about when we had the falling out last year, was that bringing up marriage made him nervous. I think Erin is the only person who I have told about my timeline… I feel like if Ricky hasn’t even brought up getting married to ME (it has to be to ME) after 3 and a half years… then I’m going to have to have a very serious talk with him… that I might not like the end result of.

I have only given Ricky one ultimatum. I will not buy a house with him until after we’re married. I love Ricky – I’ve essentially spent 3 years now with some form of feeling for Ricky one way or another. That’s longer then I have loved anyone – even when I was in love with Peter. How long of waiting for someone is too long, and how long is not long enough? Is there a long enough?