Sometimes dating Ricky is hard. I am a… Affection needy person and Ricky is much more not so. In some ways I’m very like the cat that drives him insane. I love to have my hand held and small doses of PDA and cuddling when something is bothering me. Saying ‘i love you’ on the phone and a kiss before we part. I never saw much affection between my parents and I never wanted to be like that. Yet somehow, that’s exactly what I ended up with. And so my cats get attention thrown at the constantly because it has to go somewhere, or I’d go insane. Sometimes it’s enough to make me wonder about our relationship and sometimes I think I’m foolish for even caring. It’s not tha I don’t believe Ricky loves me, I know he does, I’d just like to be shown it once in awhile too. Sometimes it drives me insane that everyone seems to know more about where myrelationship with Ricky is going then me. First he’s going to propose then he’s afraid if I even mention anything about getting married. It’s enough to drive a girl insane.

I know Ricky’s plan for life eventually, I just wish I knew more about it in the short-term plan. I talk about everything in long-time future and eventuallies because I honestly don’t k ow when it’s going to happen. At my age, my mother was already married to my father and pregnant with my sister. That’s an entirely different life then I’m leading. I remember my plan growing up was to never be the old Mom. You know, Ricky’s aleady 25. In January he’ll be 26. At 30, my chances of being able to have even a single child drop considerably.