Oh Allie. I know most times you’re the only person who reads this. Probably the only person who cares about my personal life enough too. My biggest fear – my big big fear is…being forgotten. I don’t want to live life and never be known for anything. Honestly, conceitedness and self-centeredness of it all – that’s one of the larger reasons why I try to run a web site.

I’m so tired of being depressed, so tired of being needy. I wish I could just give myself a quick kick in the ass and be my real self again. But it’s so hard when I feel like even Jinx takes me for granted. Sometimes I wonder if she even wants me at the same college as her. I have a lot of underlying feelings that I’m just unwanted in everything I do. I changed my schedule today because I knew right off that Jinx wasn’t even going to recognize I was there. So I edited my schedule and set it up so that my independent study was with one of the teachers I like, at the same time as Brian’s class. Brian is good people. I like him a lot. It was a rather nice boost to my same ego when he said; “Now I know why Jinx hangs out with you, it’s a lot of fun.” but when I said that to Jinx she’s like…No, that’s not why. Sometimes she can be a really big bitch without realizing it at all. Yesterday I was like…trapped into taking her grocery shopping, I basically had said in every way possible without directly saying it that I didn’t want to. “I have no gas Jinx. None.” I dropped her off at her house, and left. “Just call me later or whatever.” she calls me in an hour; “Just let me fucking wake up.” And then when I was promised lunch, she wanted to make it Chinese. Ok, I don’t like Chinese food. Hell honestly, I like a rather odd combination of food. But it just pissed me off because she knows I don’t like it. In the grocery store I just followed her around with the cart. I don’t even like shopping when there’s no benefit for me – I’m just one of those people. I can’t stand window shopping. She was trying to yell at my for playing on the cart too. And *gasp* I laid on the back of the damn chair.

Everything was just leading to one really pissed off Andi. I don’t know if she’s honestly getting jealous that I’m spending time with Brian or not, but I rather like having two friends. Brian’s getting tired of hanging out with the same people day after day and really, so am I. It’s just the same thing day after day and college seems so far and so close at the same time. Ok – Brian may not be the most handsome guy in the world, but he’s a sweetheart. ^^; Though you’d have to know him to understand that I think. I kinda do want to go to prom with him – he doesn’t have a date, I don’t have a date, he’s he’s the one pushing me to ask someone. (And just plain go for that matter.) He says he likes someone I know rather well, and it’s not Jinx. That sadly, does eliminate a lot of people. And I’m really glad it’s not Jinx. She was like…”Thank God.” when I told her it wasn’t him. For someone who’s beginning to like the kid…that stings. I wanted to smack her right there in the car. She’s so vain. The only people she really likes are pretty boys.

>.< I probably shouldn’t be talking about one of my only friends like that but…I needed to get it all off my chest. Sometime there’s only so much you can take and I passed that point a month ago. I wonder half the time if we only hang out because neither of us has anything better to do. So I like hanging out with Brian. It gives me something better to do.

But I guess I am finally moving on…a little. I still miss Jerry a lot though – as a best friend. He said before that he comes in to see Sturk a lot and now that I have him, maybe I’ll get a chance to see Jerry and at least talk to him one last time. The last time I saw him was so…unresolved.

I guess that’s it.

-Andi

Adios.

Ja.

Ja ne.

Alright, apparently until I click edit last entry, I don’t get a subject option. That’s stupid. Hmm, maybe it’s hiding….