Today has been a rather uneventful day. Dominic and Ashley are over, but it’s more… awkward? then anything. They went to bed at like 10, and Ricky was a sourpuss all night because “I don’t have anything planned. There’s nothing for us to do.” Apparently Ricky has forgotten how to just hang out with friends. It was super weird. And I don’t do well in those situations, so I just planned my Sims 3 really…

Mom and Dad will be here in less then a week now, and I really couldn’t possibly be more excited then I am. I can’t wait to see them, and to go out and do all sorts of things with them. It’s going to be such a blast and definitely one of the best birthdays ever. Breakfast, followed by seeing Half-Blood Prince in IMAX, followed by lunch, and then a trip to the Harry Potter museum. Nothing could be better then that really. I miss my parents soooooo much.

Although, I feel like my Mom and I are drifting apart again. It just seems like whenever she has Shauna around, she barely (which I know isn’t true) seems to care about talking to me at all. She hasn’t even been saying ‘I love you’ on the phone lately. It’s just making me a bit sad… On another note though, is that as-always, the further apart my Mom and I grow, the closer my Dad and I do. I’ve been talking to him a lot lately on AIM, just about the trip, and Shauna, and needing to get a new computer… anything.

My sister, as always drives me insane. She IM’s me the other day looking for $700. Seriously? 1) I am poor. I don’t have that kind of cash just laying around. 2) SRSLY? She never paid me back the $200 she owed me, and now she expects me to give her $700? 3) NO FUCKING WAY. My sister is the most irresponsible inconsiderate person I have ever met. Apparently she’s changing jobs AGAIN. Ernie quit his job, and she is once more living with my parents for an undisclosed amount of time. I mean, are you kidding me? She’ll be 29 in Janurary and she can’t even pay her bills enough that she doesn’t lose her house. I just can’t fucking believe her. And then she doesn’t even want to fork over $200 a month to my Dad for rent? She’s impossible. Maybe she should stop blowing her money and screwing my Dad over. Because it’s not like my poor Dad can say no with everyone else gaining up on him. Seriously, I know it’s hard, but Shauna needs to learn that our parents aren’t made out of money. Half their financial problems are due to her, and then she bitches whenever they want to go on a vacation? I don’t even want to hear it from her anymore. She fails. Fails so hard. And her little sister is not going to bail her out of all her problems.

Anyone who knows me AT ALL, knows I had utterly ridiculous student loans. I pay $860 a month to my loans. Does my sister a) Not know this? or b) expect me to skip the payment for a month for her? because either option does not prove well for her. I am not going to mess with my loans and have a late payment on a bill, which I NEVER HAVE, because of her. And if she doesn’t realize that I don’t even have the money for that kind of thing, she has no business in asking me for that much money to begin with. I’m not sure even my parents realize just how much money I fork over a month to those loans. At least my Dad apologized for it, that’s a lot more then I can say for my Mom who never even attempted to help me with anything unless I begged Dad to force her to. She didn’t even want to sign my consolidation loan.

I love my Mom, and I love my sister, but sometimes, I just can’t deal with them.

Peter is pretty sure that his friendship with Holly is just about over, and these days I’m not really disagreeing with the concept. There’s moments when she’s fine, but other moments she’s a complete bitch to him, and they’re really mostly when I’m around. I know Holly’s not blind or dumb, she’ll figure out and call on or both of us on the fact that Peter and I seem closer lately, which is true… I don’t really talk to Holly anymore because I don’t feel like I can. Holly’s so… on the edge these days that I don’t even know what to say to her anymore. Her classes are making her miserable and everything else and she wants to leave but doesn’t and I don’t even know. I’m like the only one of my friends who hasn’t had a panic attack about their career selection. Be it because I didn’t just pull it out of my ass senior year, because the teachers have never yelled at me – I’m usually being told I’m good at what I do or that if I put forth more effort my stuff would be even better, but I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I’m not in a career field where my shit needs to be excellent or else.

Point blank, I love my career. I love the normality, the sanity the way the coding to it never changes. Sure there’s new languages to learn but that’s half the fun. I like it.

I really don’t know what to do about Holly like Peter-wise. I told Peter that I’m tired of giving up everything I want for her, and he’s just like… let’s just get her a boyfriend. While that’d probably help things along, it really isn’t that easy to do. Holly barely knows who the hell she is right now, let alone anyone who was with her. God, maybe that’s part of her problem, she’s going through an identity crisis or something. She changed herself so much for Peter (which he never wanted nor asked her to do btw and is actually slightly creeped out about the idea that someone would change themselves that much) that she doesn’t even know who she is anymore.

Peter made the rather nice point (as you can see, Peter and I have had a few discussions lately, including our note passing in Art History, lol) that Holly’s been thinking Peter’s skin deep for a long time now and not realizing that it’s not appearances he was after. If he was, he could’ve slept with the scrawny blonde twit at work who’s stalking him. ((Hahaha, on that note he seriously was like… so you were checking out hot guys on the street, Huh? … I was just like… Peter… I’ve liked you for I don’t even know how long now, it’s not going to change because of one hot guy.)) I just thought it was hilarious that he was “worried”. Usually that’s my job.

And yeah. I had… I don’t know, more then a scare last night. My sister called me up balling because my Mother was about to confront my father on if he was cheating on her or not. He’s… not… physically?? I dunno, he’s got this weird internet relationship going on and honestly… I don’t think I care so long as he doesn’t leave my Mother over it and it stays online. I mean, I had an idea a long time ago that he might be doing things like that, so maybe the fact that it didn’t really shock me helped. I know who my father is… but either way, Mom told him he needs to stop the shit, and I hope he does, because if he doesn’t I don’t think my Mother will forgive him, and I can understand why she wouldn’t. If I was my Mother, I’d be pissed too. My sister’s like… completely pissed off, and it’s probably because she’s closer to my Mom then I am. You see, I have trouble getting close to my Mom because I’ll always be her “baby” and she doesn’t like talking about things she doesn’t think I can handle.

So.. yeah. That’s everything I can think of for right now at least… I’m sure they’ll be more later.

Okie, so Andi here is sad. I miss home. I get to go home in like…just under 3 weeks, but I really can’t wait cause…I miss my family and Brian lots. And my phone died when Brian called me the other day and then I called back and her hasn’t called back and now I’m sad. I miss Brian.

Thanksgivinig was lotsa fun! Not quite the same though. No corn!! Or cranberry sauce!! @.@ Blasphemy in me family! But it was funnn! (Madelin has really long arms. @.@ You shoulda seen her go after that chocolate…)

I missed my internet!!! I had like 70 emails when I get home..hehe…

I have classes tomorrow…icky…and I WANNA TALK TO BRIAN!

And I want my Mommy and Daddy. And my sister too I think. And my dog. @.@

I wanna go hoooooommmmeeee!! Daddy promised me that next year for Turkey day, I’m coming home. And I’m sure I’ll appreciate that. I wish I coulda this year though. But I had fun with my adopted Turkey day toooooo.

But yeah. I miss Brian. He sucks because he needs to call me back so I stop wondering if he’s upset with me or if he has a girlfriend. Cause that would make me sad.er.

-Andio.

And now for the other entry!

Ok, so yeah. I really do miss my family, but I did have a lot of fun with Madelin the Moose. We got to do lotsa fun things, and I met her friends and everything. All in all, it really was a lot of fun, but I do wish I could’ve gone home. Thanksgiving Dinner just isn’t the same when it’s not with your own family. So if there’s anyone else out there who didn’t get too, I feel you pain! I do have classes tomorrow, and it is already 3am, but whatever. I don’t really feel like going, but I think that’s because I just got off a mini-vacation.

What’s really weird is that when I’m here, I want to be home, but when I’m home I want to be here. I want to bring Brian here really, cause that would just rock. Holly goes home to much to really be someone I can completely spill to, so she has like a double life, and Daniel….well, Daniel’s just Daniel. ‘Sides, nobody else can predict me as well as Brian can, and he’s the only person who can sucessfully spoil me without me really feeling guilty. I dunno how he does it really, but right now I just miss him. He needs to be here so I can just flop on the other side of the couch from him, watch a movie, eat my favorite food, and talk. Because for some reason, I can talk and talk and Brian just has the answer that makes it allll go away. He rocks like that.

Mm…text messages…I still get a guilty feeling whenever sending them though…like…I shouldn’t or something…which is why Randyo rocks!!!! Cause he gets free txts too, so he replies as well, and I can send lots and lots and not feel bad at all, cause he’s like me and loves gettin em! ^.~! E-hug to my favorite Randyo! Who is like a Brian on a different lvl. Randyo rocks my socks off too, and he should move here too.

Anyway, now that I’ve wrote a journal entry where there is an actual intelligence level appearing, I’m going to go see how everyone else is doing, and then go to bed.

-Andi

How we all strive to be independent and think that other people’s words really don’t affect us…when they do.

To live in a world of grey would be the end for me. To live day in and day out in mindless patience. Day in and day out of the same old thing, no feelings of happiness, joy, or anger. Sure being sad sucks but it’s really those moments that make the other ones so much brighter.

It’s the factor that Dusty came all the way to see me that made my week suck to much less.

It’s the fact that by my Grandfather dying, my family in longer in debt with like everything and for the first x-mas in years, we don’t have to take out a loan that makes the fact that he’s gone, so much easier to deal with.

It’s pathetic that I sound like the optimistic one. Me the eternal complainer. The whiner. I hate not getting my own way. I’m right and your wrong. That’s life with me. Self-centered much? Yeah.

I hate my emotions. Really. Someone dies and do I cry? No. Break my arm and do I? No. One of my fish dies? Yep.

I have…no trust in people. Or myself. I’m self-conscious as all hell. I don’t even trust my Mom. But then… she keeps to much from me for me too.

She never told me my grandfather committed suicide.
She never told me he was cheating on my grandmother.
She never told me she was abused… every way possible.

And she doesn’t trust me. And she has no reason not too.

Oh well. Too bad.

I hate how one person calling me self-conscious effects me for days on end. Even now I wonder. This is my own damn about myself and I still feel like I talk about myself too much now. And what’s worse… nobody can say anything to make you feel better. And if they do and you’re like me, you feel worse because then you’ve been talking about yourself again.

Guess that’s how the world turns. Life sucks. I’ll figure that out eventually.

~ Andi