It just seems like she doesn’t even care anymore… she doesn’t care about Tsuki at all, even though it was the responsibilities she had first… I understand she’s a moderator at HPB but she was first an administrator at Tsuki and she made promisies to me she didn’t keep. Why does it matter if Allie is closer to me? Maybe she is because even though she thought I was closer to Dusty, she didn’t care. She was just happy to talk to me. It’s odd. I’m jealous of her sometimes because she lives close enough to me to visit me and Allie doesn’t.

Why do friends have to even care who is closer to who? Tab, Lith, Randy, Rando, Claire, Allie…all of them mean the world to me. Each one of them has helped shaped me into the person I have become and saved me more then once. There are times when their words are probably the only thing that kept me from being a manic depressive or something akin to that.

“I’m alive but I’m alone, but part of me is fighting this and part of me is gone…”

They all make up a part of me…and Dusty is a big piece…………………..

Ok, so Tab and I ish not fighting anymore. We really just had to talk things out. I asked her why she’d been mad, and then I explained myself, and vice versa. We realized, if you want to talk, we pretty much need to tell the other that, we don’t know each other well enough to know when we want to actually talk.

We’re making it a habit to tell each other our quirks, something that little can actually go pretty far. I now know Tab has a fish named Bob, red toenails, and likes stars, moons, and the color blue.

Last night was pretty rough though, Rando almost made me cry because I’d try to tell him something and he’d call me childish or self centered, or that I needed to stop being so mysterious. He complained about the way I write my journals, which as you can tell, is just like this. He wouldn’t leave me alone even though I asked him to three times and I finally had to block him until later when I’d calmed down enough and he finally left me alone. I’m still a bit upset about the entire thing, as every time I tried to say that what was bothering WAS the fact nobody listened to me, he said something about not complaining nobody understands me and then ask what was wrong.

The other day I’d been pretty upset, actually about the same things Tab was in the fact that we never talk, and I was upset that nobody ever works on Tsuki outside the boards. I try to talk about it and they’d all go off subject. Last night though roughly when we were all still fighting Airealda, Allie and I, with some help of Tab managed to post about Tsuki everywhere we could, and I’m still looking for more.

Tab did tell me she’d love to help out anytime which I will put to much use. I’d love to have her help me. I think between her, me, pookie, Airealda, sprinkly, and dusty, we could get tsuki to be the best there is, cause we kick ass. ~.^

Yep, I’m very prideful of my friends, meh love them all down to their odd little quirks. Meh Dusty, Fuzzy, Pookie, Sprinkly, and now we’re adding in Airealda. Nobody;s being replaced, simply adding to our horde.

Heh. Tab did you know I still remember you don’t like Potato salad? Yep. Me knew that. And Clairey don’t like roller coasters, Pookie love green, pink, black, and silver, and is trying to avoid being sucked into the anime freakiness, even though Airealda and I are trying our hardest, Sprinkly’s in college for speaking thingies. ((Sorry Sprinkly, I try to remember the exact words but it’s like impossidable. I do know finetic is actually spelled phonetic and not very phonetic at all.)) (Fuzzy wants to go for international business, and pookie for Web Design (YAY!) or Writing)

Oh! And I talked to Randy for an hour after I wouldn’t let him apologize!

And I’ll tell you the story of the NAME Eveeus. Ok, Andi has this tendency to slur together her words, what was once two words become one word because I think way faster then I can talk. Say Devious and Evil at the same time. There you go, Eveeus. Now, think about Daymen. Day-men- Demon. Devious, Evil Demon. ^.^ You can tell what kind of character he was originally designed for.

Wow. This entry is actually much longer then the last one I had.

Oh yes – to all flamers of yaoi fics, I flame you. Don’t read it if you don’t like it. I’m purely straight myself, but I read Shounen-ai or yaoi Naruto fics, and one of the best authors just got flamed by some idiot. I had to mention that for a sec.

~Me

I can’t talk to Tab about Randy because Tab wouldn’t listen without a personal opinion. Tab’s more Randy’s friend then mine so it make it very difficult. Which also hurts by the way. Tab talks to me and says she wants to be better friends, which sometimes I wonder if it’s possible. In most cases, we’re complete opposites and agree on very little. I *want* to be friends, and the things we do agree on, we *really* agree on.

And then I’m forced to forgive Claire about the whole Eveeus and Sienna thing. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not mad that she *did* it, I’m mad that she didn’t tell me she did in the first place. It just looks like she was ashamed of what she did, and knew I’d be mad about it. Her excuse didn’t help much either. Saying you did because you were bored is not the greatest thing to tell someone. But then, maybe I just hold agreements to a higher level then most people. When I agree on something, I keep my word and do it until I want out, and then I tell the person.

And then there’s Randy. It just pissed me off in the falls. Yes this is an RPG. I *still* take some offense when someone calls my character a coward. There’s a big difference between saying your peace and leaving, and being a coward. Especially when you WALK AWAY not flee. Eveeus is more my actual personality then anyone else – in essence, he IS me stuck in a male body and into a different environment.

I just feel like this is a war, and it’s one on 5,000. And I’m the one. Frankly, I need Lith. She’s the one person you can talk to about things and she doesn’t take a side, she just…listens.

But for once…I’d just like a fight where Tab’s actually on my side. It just seems like whenever given the opportunity, she finds a chance to argue with me.

I know people are going to read this, but oh well. I did give you the warnings before you started reading.

But Thank You Allie. Sometimes the one person with you can mean the world. And that you were with me throughout everything does. ^.^

Oh. But I suppose I’m not done complaining. Everyone’s been complaining about trillian and honestly – if it doesn’t work for you – GET RID OF IT AND STOP WHINING! I’ve *never* had a problem with trillian and yet someone always does. The same thing goes with tsuki.

And I’m tired of people not helping with tsuki to be technical. FOr the most part, they’ve stop offering. I don’t know where to go with tsuki anymore, and I’d kind of like it if just once someone had an original idea that was sane.

~Me.